Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. It was definitely his decision too. SMDH! Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. female I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. Ok, so this dude: This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. Its fucking unfair. Iwannatalktosampson The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? You sure arent one. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story P.S. Just something to think about. They are babies. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. iseeshiny .. but what if she did deceive him? honeybeenicki I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. *ETA: also, most of my comments on here are usually light-heardely dumbed down just to lighten the mood a little. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. Guy Friday And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. His? There is a chance it isnt his. Yep. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. iseeshiny What is he supposed to do to prove hes not scum? No loss there. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . Unbelievable The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . Run as if your life depends on it because it does. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Not exactly. Ford 1970 Kansas Cars for sale - SmartMotorGuide.com lets_be_honest You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! Anyone would be angry in this situation. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Thats my advice. Steve Kellmeyer One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. bittergaymark April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. You can look at it like women are lucky- they can opt out at the last minute! 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? Tough shit. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. It is never the unborn childs fault. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. illinois obituaries 2020 . Can you elaborate? And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. landygirl. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. . I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. LMAO. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. Dont ever sleep with someone mean or stupid, because if you get pregnant, youre going to be tied to that person for the rest of your childs life. And I was like, Ewww, Mom, thats gross! But it was great advice, and Ive always followed it. Heres how I interpreted it. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. Okay, Tim. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. Because guess what? Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. female He can just disappear forever for all I care. List of Everybody Hates Chris characters - Wikipedia Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? He could be imaginary. He didnt. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Who the hell else is clicking that button??! The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. I completely agree. What should I do, View related questions: And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. So go control them all you please. Im not sure. Woah. So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. lets_be_honest A condoms like 50 cents. Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. She has to go through a pregnancy no matter what (assuming she doesnt believe in abortion). That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. Offers may be subject to change without notice. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. Oh boy. So, Chuck, despite the fact that no one is denying the fact that there are some people out there trying to game the system, Chuck, the fact that shes pregnant is equally their responsibility. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. Thank God for the real men. Just sayin. But not usually. Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. let us know if he had). A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? John Rohan he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. 8 Red Flags the Pregnancy is a Trap - Ann Silvers, MA Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. TheQuietOne You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. Why are you so obsessed with sex? Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! It pays and so do the provider of the sperm. The child support goes to support the child. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. Your welcome. You deserve better than that (and ditto what everyone else has said your beef is with your scumbag boyfriend, not the other girl or the baby). Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. Just stay away from mens wallets. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. This gets to the basic conflict. As a woman, you have control over that. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. Ill bite. She didnt rape him. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. April 10, 2012, 11:39 am, Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. iseeshiny Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. Women Who Got Pregnant From A One-Night-Stand Share What Went Down The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. That is called deception. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? He is not the end all and be all. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. And you want to marry this guy because.why? And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. 2. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. If a woman gets pregnant from a quick, meaningless relationship and tells the father that shes expecting, and the father wants desperately to keep the baby, what do we call the woman who aborts the child anyways? Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. Your logic is weird. i am currently in an awful situation. Stop this back and forth with him. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? Steve Kellmeyer People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. Please do better. He didnt marry you. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. In the same situation currently. Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. The timing was exactly right. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. the manchild gene!! They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) Nice try. John Rohan So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. How fast his new relationship is moving. Now Im confused. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. Sure, lots of people take those chances. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. Plenty dont. Lucky us. Image Source. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Dont engage in the action. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. That should have been the end of it. bittergaymark I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. Even when they both want the same thing. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. Solved. That is not her fault. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). female I think shes nothing but a little scroat. It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! Now? However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. Thats a dudes view. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. Its not a mystery. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences?
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