We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Line: 208 A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? A: 2001. hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! Q: Where is the American dollar headed? (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. Carnac the Magnificent. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Its hard to divine when you cant see. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Q: Name a Kristofferson. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. . One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! Hilarious Carnac the Magnificent Puns - Punstoppable The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? seen them before. A: The diamond lane. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - LiquiSearch May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. A: Old wive's tale. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? Favorite Carnac(sp?) Joke My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? A: Kaleidoscope. A: Lo-fat. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. 40 Years Ago, Johnny Carson Tells Most Famous Joke - KPEL 96.5 (the curse). Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? Line: 107 We are now officially the living who envy the dead! The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. Thanksgiving? the Denver Nuggets. . . Modern Day Curses - Monte R Anderson - Author A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around lizard. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Line: 24 Line: 68 Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In Carnac the Magnificent. A: 60 Minutes. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Get Image Page 2 of 4 station? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. Johnny Carson: Self - Host, Carnac the Magnificent The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. Johnny would don an . Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? A: Pot luck. [1] Ed McMahon: Shogun. Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. A: 50 miles per hour. sister. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. A: Disjoint. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. A: Bible belt. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Carnac the Magnificent Wikipedia Republished // WIKI 2 The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. A: Buddy Holly. A: "Here's Boomer." Q: What do you call a military coup led by General The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. dee? Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. A: All the President's men. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! The crowd is hostile. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Q: What happens when your lorne rots? A: Cyclone. Box 4, Folder 46. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. tissue. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? I forgot aboutyour total recall. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on A: Snap, crackle, pop. Only this curse was not humorous at all. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. eyes? Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Flashback Friday: Heeeere's Carnac! | National Enquirer Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? A: Kumquat. As a child of four can ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. Get a random spoof news story. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: "The Dumplings." ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. A: David Frost. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Carnac The Magnificent undated. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Explanation of WPA. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. Funny Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson Quotes I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. KeyCastr. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson GIF - Tenor Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. Question Man". A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. Large Old Johnny Carson King of the Night Pin Back Button A: "Coming home." May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Margaret's door? Q: Name two rams and a goat. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. A: Fit to be tied. A: Lorne Green. A: 2001. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? A: "Leave it to Beaver." Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: A full moon up your turban. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Q: What was dat hippie smoking? CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that 42 Photos Capture The Art Of Cool - msn.com proctologist. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. . his neck? Q: How do you get it? [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners | The Spoof Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. A: The ZIP Code. a #2 mayonnaise The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. the audience will cheer. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? A: Bedbug. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Hand made. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. this year? QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. A: "Hi diddly dee." A: Short eyes. A: Executive action. A: Until he gets caught. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. ", "Sis boom bah." One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Next. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? . Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. on a country? I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? A: Plumber's helper. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Function: require_once. A: Sale of the Century. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. A: Black feet. A: Last Tango in Paris. THE BEST OF CARNAC - QUESTION: What do you hear when you put - RomWell Contents Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? alley? Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island A: Touchback. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. A: Ransack. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice.
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