Here are ten Catholic Jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle!SOCIAL MEDIA:\rBlog: https://goo.gl/QuB4ra\rFacebook: https://goo.gl/UoeKWy\rTwitter: https://goo.gl/oQs6ck\rInstagram: https://goo.gl/ShMbhH\rPodcast: https://goo.gl/xqkssG\r\rINTERESTED IN BECOMING A FRIAR?\rHoly Name Province: https://goo.gl/MXKb2R\rFind your Vocation Director: https://goo.gl/2Jc52z\r\rSUPPORT THE MISSION\rOrder my books: https://amzn.to/386QDpR\rDonate Monthly: https://goo.gl/UrrwNC\rOne-time gifts: https://goo.gl/eKnFJN\r\rMUSIC\rEpidemicsound.com He said, I dont know. Some of those were absolute side-spliters! The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. After many long years of faithful companionship, the dog finally died, so Muldoon went to the parish priest: Chief: Important like the governor? O.P. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion decided to rub it. This I shall enjoy!" ', The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. Cop: More. The man replies Beds hard. Comfortable laughing at yourself and not taking life too seriously? Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute." Get a great laugh with these religious jokes. said the couple. But one doesnt need to go all the way back to the 16th and 17th centuries to find examples of good church humor. My sons, He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912." St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.". The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." You see my neighbour worships exhaust pipes He's a Catholic converter. Please stop bickering about such trivial matters, There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. This Hilarious Card Game Will Keep You In Holy Stitches (and Out of Confession)! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God" The bishop says, "Sir, I can't allow you in here." I didnt mean to come on so strong. The rabbi, still unsatisfied, asked "And then?" A child had written a note, "Take all you want. Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? Cookie Notice So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless you. Hold on! Philip Neri (the Humorous Saint), Francis De Sales, and Teresa of Avila, for instance, are not only known for their exemplary lives, but also because they certainly knew how to use a proper joke to good effect. Below are 7 jokes that poke fun at Southern Baptists, other Christian denominations and faith traditions. The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp. As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?" They are religious titles. The abbot asks, Well my son what have you to say. He said, "I'm stuck on you!". Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus) Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?". Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?". "I think I am pregnant." For instance, it is said that when a journalist asked Blessed John XXIII (pope from 1958 to 1963) how many people work in the Vatican, the pope paused, thought for a bit and replied, About half of them.. The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. One more and I'll have a basketball team." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/i] At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. said Pat. He said, "A Christian." 42 Hilarious Catholic Puns - Punstoppable. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. It's all gone! The second man says' Lent. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!" Then the Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!" 45 Funny Christian Jokes. ", But in the hopes of learning more about charity. In fact, theyre the answers to all your laughter prayers! as I pushed him off the bridge. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. Are people actually allowed or even encouraged to communicate with you? Many of the catholic catholic irish puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Holy scriptures should be taken very seriously as well as any faith in general. It still exists!. God, T.O.R. Catholic Christianity offers the world the fullness of the Christian Faith. Read more: So, a Catholic walks into a bar during Lent. They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America. Before I go, though, can I ask you a question?" Me: I do. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos. An Irishman yells, "Oi, Yank! The father is amazed and finally ask why he stayed in school all day and why he is behaving so well. Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband? Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? God Himself!?" Alleluia, Alleluia. These are quite funny, thank you for sharing them. Catholic Humor - Pinterest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love24. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon. He he also tops his shot and it runs along the ground toward the pond. I have only one more question to ask you -- Do I have to tell him the war is over?" Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. However - Father John - that flashing neon sign that says - "TOOT and TELL or GO TO HELL" - has GOT TO GO!!! A policeman notices and pulls him over. The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. My body is like a temple. Related Topics. "I thought you said 'a Protestant!'" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The man replies Fine. Fortunately, he's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips he's ever had. I have 17 wives. Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business". The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs. "Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!" Cam42. "Protestant." The Priest & The Taxi Driver - Funny Resurrection Jokes. Man: I'm telling everyone. "Yeah sure," the bishop responds. Yet, living by the holy word does not mean one isn't allowed to have some good old-fashioned clean fun! Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. A coal mining company puts miners in shafts. ", Condoms: they're what separate the men from the boys, Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. I quit! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, What a terrible pityone of the girls must be dying. The Jew boasts about his fertility But the Pope persists, "Please?" Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys." "Me too! Absolutely ruthless. Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue Catholic Christianity offers the world the fullness of the Christian Faith. Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?" ', The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. Here is another one: The ball skips across the top of the water and up onto the green. Church jokes placed well within a sermon are a treasure, and the right ones are hard to find but powerful to use. I have ten sons. Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together. Scene: New York City, man is going to jump off the building. Entrust your prayer intentions to our network of monasteries. He didnt tell me , The Pope: But I am the leader of the Catholic Church , St. Peter: The Catholic Church Never heard of it Wait, Ill check with the boss.. Man replies "Who is that?" A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession. The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. "Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk" The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze. I'm 90 years old and for the seventy years I've been married I never cheated on my wife. BuzzFeed Staff. At one point, he asked the Catholic priest, "What language does the Western Church use in its liturgies? Today's Video: Eight Hilarious Religious Jokes The Catholic Telegraph 2019-08-13. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.". A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. Chief: Who's more important than the president? "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? " Nuns are married to God." the other replies condescendingly: "Ah you Jews, all you think about is money!". 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver. Copyright Aleteia SAS all rights reserved. Youve been complaining ever since you got here!" Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him. Cop yells "Jump, Protestant! A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up. Peter drops to his knees and aspirations of faith toward the Trinity. Exclaims the priest. I wouldn't feel bad about that if I were you!" "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says. Can You Match These Saints to Their Weird Patronages? There's certainly nothing more Catholic than guilt! "What are you doing?!" Roses are red. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years.". After looking the parish over - the senior priest said, "Father John - your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. One more and I'll have a golf course. After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. One more and I'll have a golf course.". After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why hes laughing. There are many talented Christian comedians out today and their sense of humor truly comes from God. Enjoy this collection of religious jokes. 1. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. "You come to the front door of the apartments. The other says "I wanna be a Lawyer". Priest: But you're not Catholic. Catholic Jokes - Priest Jokes - Jokes4us.com. I said, "Me too! The Cardinal says OK. She replies, My son is a charismatic, 6'2 , hard-bodied male stripper.